pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
