My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
