I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
