So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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