her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
