we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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