On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
