so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
