i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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