Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
