New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
