I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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