Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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