My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
