Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
