the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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