So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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