He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't put those talents on a resume
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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