Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Mom said you looked used
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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