I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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