Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
