I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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