I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
