He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
