So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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