And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
