Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
