Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
