i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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