I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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