booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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