I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
