Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
