I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize