You can't special order awesome
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The beers last night were like the tears from god
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
