How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
