My sheets look like a crime scene.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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