How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
