I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
