The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
