No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
