So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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