My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
