My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
