Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
