so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
