Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
