hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
