Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
