I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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