I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your cock deserves a montage
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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