I'm lost and stupid without you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
